First blog post. Ever. / My beef with Lauren Conrad

Okay. I've done it. I've finally launched a blog. Mostly out of motivation to keep myself and my thoughts on track over the next year but also with inspiration from my cousin Sean's blog. Read my blog if you want. Criticize it. Whatever. Words are words. It's your world. 

I've been posting for a while on Facebook of my adventurous tales of the MBTA and many people have been telling me I should write a blog about it or write a book about it. A New York Times best selling author I am not but you can read about my gripe with humanity and being so disconnected with the world around them over at Dennis Ocasio's site. 

Run Meg Run

So why over the next year? Well as many of you may know I'm getting married next June and I am on a mission to lose about 20 pounds. I've tried P90X (for 3 days.... so I guess that's more like P3X). I've tried aspects of the Paleo Diet (now I know why cavemen were so freaking grumpy) and well nothing is working.   Trust me, I do go to the gym but I'm someone who needs that extra push in life. 

No, not every blog post is going to involve diet Tab recipes, shiatsu kickboxing routines, or whether I'm going with an ivory or white dress. You'll get your fill of crazy train stories and whatever else occurs in life. Think of it like the third installment of the Bridget Jones movies. Except there's no annoying Renee Zellweger trying to fake an awful British accent.

So right now I've been researching crazy diets and work out routines.

For instance, next week I'm starting the Lauren Conrad "7 Days To Skinny Jeans" diet and work out routine. I mean what could possibly go wrong with advice from the staged reality queen herself, Miss Lauren Conrad.

Mmm. Drama.

Now before you all start booing trust me, I love the LC clothing line at Kohl's just as much as the next girl. I'm not afraid to admit it. The girl knows style. So now I'm wondering if she knows diet or if her trim physique is thanks to a 6 day a week gym trainer. I mean, come on picking one exercise routine a day like 30 minutes of running should DEFINITELY make me skinny in 7 days. Right? Right? Please.  Also, my idea of a quickie doesn't quite involve lunges or jumping jacks. I may have been born in the morning but I wasn't born yesterday morning, Lauren Conrad.

Let's look at the diet. 

Breakfast Options
I'm sorry but oatmeal, Greek yogurt or a smoothie do not a meal make. I grew up on meat and potatoes from breakfast, lunch and dinner. You may say that's stereo typing. I say that's living up to tradition and culture passed on from generation to generation. Okay..... it's slight stereotyping. But in my defense I didn't have my first Guinness until I was 18 and properly poured in Dublin. (Thanks Mom & Dad!)

You better figure out how to work in some breakfast meat into these options, Lauren Conrad.


Dinner/Lunch Options
Cauliflower crust pizza? Zucchini "pasta"? A) Why the quotations around pasta. Why try and fake me out and call it pasta when it's really not going to be pasta. And B) Who has time to make this crap during the week? We don't all have private chefs on call, Lauren Conrad.

Snacks
1 medium apple and 1 tablespoon of peanut butter. 1 TABLESPOON OF PEANUT BUTTER?!?! What the crap is that noise? And to you who posted in the comments that Nutella is a healthier choice you must have sincerely missed the 11 grams of sugar in a tablespoon of Nutella as opposed to the 3 grams of sugar in Skippy friggin Peanut Butter! Better bump that peanut butter up to 2 tablespoons, Lauren Conrad. 

I'm angry already. Maybe going back to Paleo would be a better idea. 

I have a feeling the only way I'm going to get skinny jeans skinny in 7 days is by starving to death. At least I'll look good at my funeral, Lauren Conrad.

This hair brain idea starts promptly on Sunday morning. But tonight I have myself a well deserved glass of wine..... or 4. And maybe a nice salad for dinner. And dessert. Definitely dessert, Lauren Conrad.  

Until next time...